By Pam McComb
Personal Historian/Life Artist/Photographer
It’s that time of year, you know, the time when most of us think about what we would like to change in the New Year; what we resolve we are going to do in this new year that we somehow didn’t accomplish last year (or the year before). This year, we’ve determined, is going to be different! Sound familiar? Who among us has ever made resolutions about accomplishing something new, be it regarding our health, job, or family, and, though well meaning, we just did not accomplish the goals we set before us for one reason of another. I suspect most of you reading this have set New Year’s resolutions at some point in your life. If you stuck to them, however, you are in a small group for sure.
How about if this year you make a resolution that will have a positive impact not only for 2019 but for decades, even generations, to come? Most of us have a family that we love and care about but our lives today take us in so many directions that we often don’t make the time we should to spend with them; even though we want to. However, it’s good to remember that “Tomorrow is promised to no one” (Proverbs 27:1), and in just a second, like the snap of a finger, one of our family members could be gone. So often, especially if death comes unexpectedly, there are many “I wish I had _____”, the possibilities are endless, moments.
Let me encourage you in this New Year to accomplish a resolution to make time to sit with an elder member of your family, perhaps a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, and talk to them about their life. Ask them to share some of their stories with you. Most older family members will be happy to share their memories given the opportunity. Take a little tape recorder with you, or use your phone, and document your visit and their life stories. You might be surprised what you can learn about them that you never knew before. I guarantee that doing this will deepen the bond that you have with that family member, and it does not require that much of your time.
What could be more important than making a resolution to preserve some of your loved one’s life stories?
Make a list of questions ahead of time that you want to ask them, things you might be curious about, things that you wish you knew about them that just never came up along the way. Our elders hold a plethora of life experiences, wisdom, opportunities taken and missed, joys, sorrows, setbacks, and accomplishments; just like you.
Capturing this history isn’t just for you. It’s for current and future generations to come. It’s a way to keep them alive even after they have passed away. Pure and simple, it’s love and legacy.
Consider, too, involving a younger family member in the process, a child or grandchild, who might be curious to know about the things their parent/grandparent did as a child. Doing so connects generations in a very special way.
Five tips to keep in mind as you prepare for your visit:
- Ask open ended questions. Instead of asking if they liked their job when they were younger, ask them “What the most favorite job that you ever had? Why was it your favorite? Who was it you worked for and what exactly did you do on this job?” Or something like, “What was your neighborhood like where you grew up? Tell me what your house/apartment looked like when you were a child. Who was your best friend and why were they your best friend? How long were you friends? What things did you do when you played with your friends? Ask questions that will give you stories and try to avoid “yes” or “no” questions.
- Plan the visit ahead of time, don’t just show up and spring it on them. Choose a time of day that your elder is at their best. With some it will be early in the day, with others in may be in later in the afternoon.
- When you are setting up the visit, ask them if they have any photographs from their childhood, or any special objects that hold real sentimental value that they could show you while you are there.
- Keep the visit (interview) relatively short, maybe and hour to an hour and a half. Even though it can be a lot of fun for all involved, it can be tiring for the person being interviewed. You can always go back another time.
- Be sure to take some kind of recording device, be it a recorder or your phone, and take a camera or use your phone to capture some photographs.
This resolution is one that you can accomplish without spending a lot of money, it will have value for generations to come, and is a resolution that will bring you more satisfaction than you might expect. It’s a resolution of love for all involved. Life can change in a moment, so determine to accomplish this resolution in 2019. You will not regret it.
The author reminiscing with her own father.
Love the idea but don’t think you can do it yourself? Our Life Story Professionals group is chock-full of professional personal historians that can accomplish this for you if you can’t or don’t have the time. Resolve this year to make this happen.
Happy New Year and know that I am rooting for you to accomplish this resolution.